My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Randomize
