After last night, I could never be a politician.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
