all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Sext me about skeletons
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
