Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
