I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
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