how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
