She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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