Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
