You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
