grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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