There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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