new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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