I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Randomize
