I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
