I am puke
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
