Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
