And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
