My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
