she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I am available for nakedness
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
