spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Randomize
