stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
