I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
