she looked like the before picture.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
