stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
