he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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