I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
