i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
