I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
