Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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