At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
another moral hangover. fuck.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
