Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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