4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
