I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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