Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
