A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I could fuck to npr.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
