One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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