It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I smell like Dick and happiness
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
