Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
