Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
