This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
