No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
