What did we do last night that was yellow?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Randomize
