I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
