i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
