This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
