I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize