i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
how drunk are you?
Several
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
