The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
