I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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