just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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