Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
