My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
