it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
