can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
