Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
