Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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