I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
