and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i just sent this text using only my big toe
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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