You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
