i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize