shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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