just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Randomize
