dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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