mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
