Umm I'm too high to move.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I don't deserve a penis
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
