My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
