I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
