Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
