Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
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