I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
i think i scared a bird with my dick
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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