If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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