Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
