I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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