I want to walk on stilts...naked
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Randomize
