hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
