Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
