okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize