Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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