I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
