Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
smell my finger.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
