He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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