an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
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