a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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