Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
So many bounce houses so little time
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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