I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
