oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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