My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
