Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
