you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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