I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
