just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
