How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
