I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
