Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
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