I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
