No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
