Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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