just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize